Friday, 4 January 2019

No 48 - Human Relations and Hedgehogs

                                                                                            
      Human Relations and Hedgehogs

It was the first day back at college after the Christmas break and the senior students were entering a new phase in their life and their education. It was our first lesson on Human Sexuality and the last lesson before the morning break. Miss Frenzi was not making much headway, fact is she actually appeared to be losing interest, and was just gazing vacantly out of the window across the quadrangle.

I am not sure why we were being introduced to this subject because as far as I know there were no relationships of a sexual nature, or of any other nature for that matter, taking place, well certainly not in Boadicea dormitory. I had the feeling the girls were not taking this subject seriously.

The giggling by Tamsin and Charlotte refocused Miss Frenzi’s interest. Her voice rose as she turned and inquired “Tamsin Lacey,
Charlotte Patterson is there something you wish to share with the rest of the class?”

The giggling stopped. I think Miss Frenzi was becoming annoyed.

Candice intervened and raised her hand, at the same time looking squarely across at Tamsin and said accusingly “Miss, Rebecca told me she suspects Nathan has some sort of human relationship thing lined up for Tamsin this weekend behind the canteen at the back of the folk club”.

Tamsin fumed “that is not true Miss. It’s not like that. He is NOT my boyfriend”. She forcefully continued “someone is making it up and anyways it would be wishful thinking on his part”. She delivered these following words purposefully, slowly and loudly “*and * I * am* not * dating * Nathan*.”

Miss Frenzi paused, looked around the class and said quietly “It looks as though we might have to start this lesson in a more rudimentary manner; maybe with guinea pigs and rabbits”.

She raised her voice “we are not discussing dating here Miss Lacey. This is a lesson on Human Sexual Relations”.

Tamsin stood up, put her hands on her hips, swung her head from side to side like she does and replied “You can rest assured Miss there is going to be none of that sort of thing happening with Nathan and me down at the folk club this weekend. Thank you very much”.

Miss Frenzi replied quietly “I am not implying there will be Tamsin but you must recognize it when you are first confronted with it. Now girls, what do you understand about pregnancy?”

Candice raised her hand and replied, “Miss, I heard Daphne up the road being told by her mother she would not be in this pregnant condition now if she had not gone to Brighton in the first place, so I suppose Brighton’s got something to do with it.”

Miss Frenzi groaned and wondered if, utilizing a common idiom, the girls were ‘having a piece of her.’

Whatever the girls might say about Miss Frenzi she has stamina. Probably because she is of Italian extraction - you know what I mean.

I had a feeling we might be released into the playground early and I was about to be disappointed. I think Miss Frenzi might have capitulated, but I was not to be deceived; she does not give up easily.

It is just part of growing up I suppose and something else us 15-year-olds are forced to deal with but I am certainly not going to dwell on it. It seems Tamsin is a bit twitchy about these things. Nevertheless, she has certainly got the measure of Nathan.

Oh, I meant to tell you, I heard Nurse Mayo the duty matron is on the warpath. To bring you up to speed I told you a while ago there are 4 dorms. The junior girls are first housed in the Nightingale dorm and progress through Pankhurst and Victoria to Boadicea dorm, the senior’s dorm. There are 10 beds to a dorm, 5 a side although it is possible to squeeze another 4 beds in a dorm.

Now I will be honest, I knew nothing about this. It is all second hand. I was told about this by Rhonda. Anyways the story goes someone put a hedgehog in one of the girl’s beds in the Victoria dorm. It is hard to imagine the terrible fright young Naomi must have experienced after pulling the covers up around her neck to find something, or someone crawling up her leg. Nurse Mayo would be less concerned about Naomi wetting the bed but more so about animal cruelty.

This was a copycat thing. It had been done before in Victoria dorm quite a while ago but it had passed into Denham Hall folklore so to speak, or so we thought. Frankly, I cannot see where animal cruelty came into this at all. I will agree the hedgehog’s life may have been disrupted for a time but meanwhile it did experience a nice warm and dry environment……….while its life was being disrupted.

Anyways Nurse Mayo was not amused and Briggs was called in to remove it. Tamsin reckoned if it stayed say another day they could have given it a name, although determining its sex for naming purposes you must understand could have presented a bit of a problem. It could have even been the Victoria dorms mascot.

You will be pleased to know Zanthe is settling in well. You might remember I told you her father was in the circus before getting a job in Treasury. I like Zanthe; she could just make my second best friend after Tamsin. Phaedra had better be nice to me this year.

She is still struggling with her language skills. She is having special elocution lessons, Zanthe that is, but even so she has to be continually reminded that one does not say ‘its snot mine’ or ‘its snot important’ and expressions like ‘strike me dead if I lie’. She is not a fast learner, but I still like her.

Mother rang up in the evening and asked how things were going and that after the New Year’s Eve dance. Andrew the stable lad had taken a shine to me and had asked her when I might be returning home. I told mother to tell him I was already promised. Mother inquired “who to?” I said it doesn’t matter. It is not important.

Maybe I should push Tamsin to the fore here. On second thoughts maybe not after the Nathan fiasco. The last thing she wants is introductions with specimens of the opposite species. I am returning home to Inveraray Castle next weekend but I will be keeping a very low profile.

In summing up the hedgehog was returned to the wild. The wild being the garden area behind the chapel where I expect it will live out its life. The girls have been warned ‘no more hedgehogs in the dorms’.