Mr Crisis apologised profusely saying “I am deeply sorry to hear that Charlotte that is very sad news” and inquired of his age, Charlotte perplexed replied in a matter-of-fact tone, “I am not sure, but I think about sixty-two.”
“Well Charlotte, it is very sad news indeed, you are excused.” There was some whispered muttering among the girls.
Mr Crisis with raised voice, ordered “Alright, alright girls face the front; it is something Charlotte’s family have to come to terms with, not something to be discussed freely among the class”.
Death is always a sad time, like the death of Beecham the Castle’s long serving retainer.
Rebecca inquired if a collection had been started for Mr Lascelles.
Being a bright girl, it was Naomi that commented “well I cannot see how a collection is going to benefit her father seeing where he is, maybe a collection for her mother might be wiser” This triggered a rethink.
There WAS a rethink after that suggestion and a collection was started to buy her mother a Hoover, or perhaps a jumpy castle. Tamsin suggested a Halloween costume. It was a collection if I remember started by the boarding girls, no not the day students. No hang on, hang on, I tell a lie it was not a real Hoover but a Chinese one.
The good news for my gentle readers was that the mystery was cleared up later that afternoon.
You must understand Denham Hall thrives on rumour, this rumour was directed back to Charlotte unbelievably, the rumour being she was eliciting sympathy, which to me did not ring true...or even make sense.
The more alert of my readers would have guessed that when Charlotte said they had lost their father she was recounting his absence literally but omitted to add they had found him later wandering around the Chicken and Meat section later that morning... like he often does. I despair I really do, no doubt she was looking for sympathy because her cat had died earlier in the week.
No it was not dementia, Mrs Lascelles said it was inattention, or something like that. Sorry for that distraction.
It was during a Spelling Bee near the end of Miss Taylors’s English lesson. You might remember Miss Taylor took over from Miss Pringle. She asked Zanthe to spell CUCUMBER. There was a brief pause for thought as there always is with Zanthe, then she continued, “Q..... er U” ...... the lunch bell sounded and there was a noisy rush for the door, the room emptied leaving Miss Taylor statuesque, rolling her eyes to the ceiling.
Gentle readers, just a little bit of excitement, this afternoon I heard young Stephanie was rushed to Hospital after she hallucinated in the headmaster’s office during a dressing down for insubordination. There was a rumour among the girls the hospital had given her an epidural; by the way I am not sure what an epidural is.
It was Tamsin’s bizarre sense of humour that caused her to add that the doctor at the hospital had admitted he had also accidently removed ‘er ovaries for which ‘e apologized and said it was just a simple oversight, and that ‘e had said quote, “I have been overworked and been on duty all night, s’not my fault”.
Tamsin and I are going down to the shops after college. No doubt we will bump into Nathan. He is one of those Watford Boys Grammar school creatures. I would have thought any attraction Nathan might have had for Tamsin would have quickly disappeared after the Halloween dance when she sicked up all over him after gorging on.... I don’t know, oysters or something.
Just to keep you all up to date, when I was at home last week I mused to Mother,” I’ve been experiencing some very strange feelings lately which I cannot explain. Like really, weird things”.
“Its hormonal dear, it’s all hormonal at your age” she replied.
“Mother it’s not hormonal” I replied annoyingly. You see my mother is a straight up and down person. I do ponder sometimes why she became a wife and a mother, and then an unbeliever in UFO’s and stuff and why she never became say a physicist or an explorer.
“Mother, would you be interested to know what manner these strange feelings take?”
“Well if you are so concerned dear, tell me a little more about these strange feelings.”
“Let me give you an example. You remember when we met Charlotte, that’s Charlotte Lascelles and her family at Sainsburys the other day, well as we were leaving……......”
As I was starting to explain, Mother took out a small hand mirror from her handbag and began repairing her lipstick.
Exasperated annoying I replied, “Oh never mind mother, it is not important”.
Anyway, it was Phaedra, she’s the troublemaker that commented to Zanthe that her sister had given birth to Siamese Twins, which came as a real surprise as you can imagine, as they never had Siamese Twins in the family before, it did not show up in the families’ genes or anything.
Anyway Zanthe the new girl excitedly asked “really! how does she tell them apart?”
I expected something like this from Phaedra.
She replied “Well Naomi, it’s quite easy, his sister has long blonde curly hair, and apart from other stuff, has completely different looking private parts to her brother, oh and he has started shaving”.
How Phaedra has stayed as my second-best friend for so long astounds me, she is so rude.
An exciting evening was looming. After tea we had arranged to meet some of the other girls outside the Flavours of India Café before heading for the folk club. The Indian café used to be a hamburger place until the police found out they were selling more than burgers.and curries.
