No 50 - Bruce: Lost and Found

Bruce; Lost and Found.

Look I meant to relate this story earlier to my gentle readers; it concerns a parrot. Well actually as we found out later it was a pink cockatoo. It did say on the poster it was friendly. This happened during the long Christmas break. Tamsin, Phaedra, and Candice who has just had her teeth braces removed; that’s Candice I am referring to about the teeth braces if there is any confusion, had also been invited to stay with us at Inveraray Castle.

Anyways one afternoon Phaedra, that’s Phaedra Gascoigne, went into Inveraray village to buy a new collar for Colonel Carter-Brown’s pet fox Reynard as a late Christmas gift, and to her surprise saw this pink parrot bird sitting in a tree in front of the Inveraray Inn. I won’t go into all the details or you will think I am making this up. As you all know parrots are not native to Scotland, pink or otherwise.

Now if this story was being related by Mr Flowers the gardener to his wife Betty she would be asking how many pints had he consumed down at the George Hotel hostelry.

I asked Phaedra where she found the parrot.

She said it was sitting in a tree opposite the Inveraray Inn.

I asked “how did you get it down?”

She replied “I just called it”.

I inquired “called it what, Bruce?”

She replied “No, no I mean I beckoned to it”.

Candice quite rightly pointed out ‘but it would not understand what beckoning meant, would it?’

Mischievously I added, “that’s right Candice. It might only know simple words. You know what I mean, like who’s a pretty bird then?”

Irritated raising her voice, eyes opening wide Phaedra said “there is no need to be sarcastic Bridgette”.

She said it flew down from the tree and perched on her shoulder.

Candice asked “How do you suppose it got into the country?’’

I knew it would not take too long for Tamsin to enter the conversation.

Tamsin suggested “I guess it was when a pirate looking chappie wearing an eye patch came through customs at Edinburgh Airport with it sitting on his shoulder, and when asked if he had anything to declare he said “just the pink parrot thanks, and a bunch of bananas …for the parrot”.

Exasperated Phaedra said “For Heaven’s sake Tamsin”.

Phaedra realized very quickly this was not a wild Scottish parrot but the missing parrot that has been advertised in the town for the last week or so. I believe there is a big reward for the finder.

Phaedra pointed out the poster reads he answers to the name of Bruce.

Tamsin asked, “How does it answer, does it nod, tap its foot or what?”

A valid question I suppose, but Phaedra was not going to answer. It would only encourage Tamsin.

I looked around the circle and saw four of us; a quick calculation split the finder’s fee at 100 quid each. Heavens above, Phaedra would not want to quibble about this. She does have a reputation to maintain at the college.

To cut a long story short we got in touch with the owner who lived in Inveraray village and informed her that the parrot was in good health and being looked after at the castle. She said she would call in later………er hopefully with £400.

It goes without saying we were flush with money for the rest of the holidays. I might even save some for when we return to Denham Hall.

                                Photo. Michael Todd

Tamsin, who had stayed overnight with us as well as Phaedra and Candice was complaining to us when we got out of bed she had the ’runs’. Candice made a terrible, throaty rasping sound as if she was sicking up and looking at Tamsin horrified exclaiming “ER YUK, Tamsin you are disgusting”.

Visibly irritated, Tamsin haughtily replied “it’s not my fault Candice”.

There was nothing unusual on the kitchen’s menu that could have caused her stomach upset. I suspect Tamsin suffers from worms so I guess it was something Tamsin had experimented with.

So it was. I had told her previously I used to eat dandelion bulbs when I was much younger. I told her they tasted like radishes and added that dock leaves found near stinging nettles tasted like vinegar. It appeared she must have whipped up a salad of said ingredients and they must have disagreed with her, thus the ’runs’.

Which reminds me, at the dance with the Watford Grammar school boys recently she told ‘Chalky’ White that she had worms and that was a communicable disease?

Anyway the Pharmacist and Apothecary on Main Street East were normally closed on Sundays but mother said she had some pills which her friend Mrs Dalrymple gave her which she found in the back of her wardrobe a couple of years back and said - quote “they should do the job” Unquote. I am not sure why I put that is quotes actually.

Strangely enough they did seem to work. Maybe they really are for general bodily disorders like the tremors, panic attacks….or/and the ‘runs’.

It was a cold winter with lots of snow which kept the tourist at a minimum and for most of the winter break we did not venture too far from the roaring fire in the castle.

We spent a lovely cosy evening in the warm saloon with the Carter-Browns, Beecham and his wife Symphony. Father was talking about retiring again and mother and Mrs Dalrymple were discussing visitors from other planets …that is where I think Mrs Dalrymple dwells most of the time.

I am still giving Tamsin piano lessons of an evening in the concert hall after tea when the hall is usually empty, but she will have to go to a qualified piano teacher in Watford to tutor her for her ABRSM music exams as I am not a qualified piano teacher. Maybe she can use her share of the parrot reward money for the piano lessons. I reckon she is up to Grade Two Level.

Oh, just to keep you all up to date when I returned to shop where we found the poster of the lost parrot there was a new poster. Someone had posted a note about a missing turtle; it read its name is Tommy Turtle, strangely enough. I suppose if it had been a girl turtle they might have named it Thelma or perhaps Teresa. Poor thing, the poster said it was very tame and had a cracked shell.

I might see if I can get a photo of it for my readers out there that collect pictures of lost pets…as a hobby.

It was two weeks later back at Denham Hall, as I walked into the classroom, the first thing I heard was Jessica asking Elspeth had she ever wondered why rabbits don’t have belly buttons. Hello, I thought, I’m back. Perhaps Jessica should pay more attention to Miss Frenzi’s biology lessons.

Incidentally Jessica was not lacking in *THAT* department if you know what I mean and was told by Rebecca who was being sarcastic and rude suggesting that she should consider wearing a training bra. I thought ‘she can talk’. We are not ALL built like grasshoppers.

By the way as I told you, Phaedra has also started a blog and just finished her first story about a penguin. I hope she has a good imagination. All I can say is that there is not a lot one can write about penguins. Oh God I hope she hasn’t called it Peter.

I will get back to you all in good time.