67. Beijing Rhapsody

Beijing Rhapsody

Tamsin and her parents and I were having lunch in the Chinese takeaway, the ‘Beijing Nights’ in Inveraray, the new one, you know close to the Hotel George; the ‘dog-friendly’ one. I am not sure why we booked a table as we were the only patrons there.

Those of you that are native to this area will remember a couple of years ago, hang on it may have been longer, when a Mexican take-away the El Fuego opened up in the high street, I remember thinking at the time I don’t remember a clamour for foreign food in Inveraray, maybe Maccas that’s all.

Anyway, it was not that anyone was particularly keen to experience the excitement of dining in the El Fuego restaurant, and they were not all that keen on taking it away either and the business closed down a week later.

This was to be a new experience. While listening to the exotic eastern music we studied the menu. Tamsin decided to try Number 16, the chicken and chips with gravy and a Slushie. Mr. and Mrs. Lacey were more adventurous they ordered the fried rice and noodles with green stuff on top. I ordered a bacon sandwich, with the crusts cut off and a small Slushie.

While we waited we noted the absence of customers, this was not a good omen.

The waiter arrived and with an Asian flourish whatever that means, deposited Tamsin’s Beijing delicacy before her.

Tamsin leaned forward to get a closer look at her Asian offering and was horrified to find it had one leg missing. Tamsin is fussy about her food. She called the Chinese waiter person over and pointed out she had paid for a whole chicken, not a chicken with one leg.

He peered at the said chicken, turned it over and back again.

He looked at Tamsin inquiringly and asked: “sorwee missy is there a pwoblem?”

She pointed out seeing she had paid for a whole chicken she expected her chicken to have two legs, not one.

The waiter who appeared initially to be taken aback inquired: “were you hoping to take it for a walk or dance with it missy?” Yes, he had a sense of Asian humor, I like that in a person.

I heard Tamsin say something like “don’t you get Bolshie with me, mister”

He must have been new to the town, you don’t mess with Tamsin. I am going to have to have a word with the owner Mr. Min.

Seeing he was so disrespectful to my very best friend Tamsin, I expect him to be deported, that’s the waiter, not Mr. Chow Min.

Anyways order was restored after the waiter returned to the kitchen and returned with a chicken with two legs. Tamsin says as long as her chicken comes with two legs she will continue to patronise the place.

Referring to the dangers of messing around with Tamsin; be warned. At present she is having more attention than she would like from Nathan since his break up with that girl at the Rickmansworth Royal Masonic School for Girls; his attention has now been drawn back to Tamsin.

In the folk club I heard Tamsin ask Charlotte if she had any books on the beginners guide to cooking within earshot of Nathan hopefully to blunt his romantic ardour, she is going to have to do a bit better than that, if I know Nathan he does not take no for an answer….though he is ok with a yes.

The Carter-Browns are coming over this evening followed later by my mother’s friend Mrs. Dalrymple. I believe currently they are both experimenting with telepathy or perhaps it was remote viewing, that’s Mrs. Dalrymple and Mother.

I think they should first try putting each other under hypnosis; I don’t mean at the same time, of course, just one at a time and then attempt to put each other in a state of regression to discover what planets they both originated.

When Mrs. Dalrymple arrived she was excited to tell us she had just been voted the first chairwoman of the Loch Awe Paranormal Society (LAPS) for her work investigating strange noises in St Conan’s Kirk. The society at present is calling for new members as at present they are having trouble organizing a quorum.

It is not as if any ghosts have been sighted but strange noises have been heard. Mother suggested it maybe rats, or possibly pigeons nesting behind the organ; anyhow if they were church mice they would not eat that much would they? Although Mother and Mrs. Dalrymple are on similar wavelengths mother is much more practical.

Today is another day. It is the weekend and Tamsin is staying with us again, as I told mother I don’t know why she does not move in permanently, that’s Tamsin not mother.

Mrs. Pasta, the Italian kitchen lady brought her son Lambert to work with her; Lambert… LAMBERT! Who would name their child LAMBERT for heaven’s sake?

As Mother does not, as a rule, invite these young creatures from the opposing species into Inveraray Castle for Tamsin and me to peruse, not that I am stupid I know what mother is up to. At least she could have brought in a selection of them. It has been several years since I have seen Lambert; he is about a year older than me and Tamsin, he must be at least 16 years old.

Well, first I have to find out for whose benefit this match-making is for, before making a complete and utter twit of myself. He is a nice enough boy, it’s a pity he does not ride horses and stuff. 

Anyway, at the end of the day, we both decided we were not ready for relationships and stuff; our teenage years are hard enough to cope with as it is, but I do like Lambert. I should ask his mother if she could change his Christian name and call him something else other than Lambert.

For my gentle readers, I have saved the best bit until last. I have had an offer from a publisher who wants to publish my blog in book form. It will be titled, Denham Hall. Miss Sefton will be pleased; my book will be available in all good bookshops.

Shortly I will be doing book signings in the bookshop in Inveraray, you know the bookshop in Main street West, for heaven’s sake the one near the dog-friendly hotel, and then later in the week I am going to be interviewed by a reporter from the Rickmansworth Bugle, 

I am going to be so busy.

My publisher also said they will be sending me 50 free books to give to friends.

Tiffany said she heard Madeline Brown remark that ‘I was up myself’ I suppose she means I was full of my own importance, and why not indeed. Madeline had better lift her game or she won't receive a free copy nor will her obnoxious friend Dakota Pugsley.

Of course, I will be giving Miss Sefton a copy who I know will insist I donate a copy to the college library. It is going to be all go this week

Phaedra, that’s Phaedra Gascoigne suggested I preface the book with warning that some scenes and events in the book might be appear confronting and disturbing to some of my gentle readers who are easily aroused, particularly ‘Horror at Christmas’ thus discretion is advised.

. Mother will be beside herself.