Rickmansworth Young Ladies College
The Rich Diversity of Denham Hall
Denham Hall is an old established place of learning built in the Gothic style in the 17th century receiving its Charter from King George, the something or other. I hasten to say not the mad one. With a recent name change to Rickmansworth Young ladies College it is a very exclusive boarding college for genteel young ladies from well-to-do established Christian families whose allegiance is to the Crown, the country, its flag, traditions, culture, Queen and Empire…… when we used to have an empire that is.
That brief witticism had been added to the college notice board with a black felt marker pen and was suspected of being attributed to a Miss Tamsin Lacey, but after an exhaustive investigative cross-examination in Miss Sefton’s office, the accusation was not upheld due solely to there being no witnesses.
It is known country-wide for its high academic achievements. So to be told by a visiting government education person that the school lacked diversity, to Miss Sefton that was like waving a red flag at a bull.
Tamsin told us she overheard Miss Sefton, the headmistress, who appeared visibly upset, telling Miss Pringle that a visiting government education person had pointed out that the school, despite its high academic achievements, appeared to be ‘struggling with diversity’.
She had never seen Miss Sefton so furious in her life. Raising her voice she angrily shouted to this government education woman “Struggling with Diversity? STRUGGLING WITH DIVERSITY? Good heavens woman, we have girls here from most of the counties of the United Kingdom.”
We have Bridgette Campbell whose family can be traced back to William the Conqueror, Elspeth MacDonald who can trace her family’s descent from the Norse-Gaelic Clan MacDonald of the 13th century. Tamsin Lacey, daughter of a Northern Ireland Minister. There is Candice and Phaedra from Northumberland and Bedfordshire respectively.
Then there is Sarah and Grace, Lady and Lord Simon De Rochefort’s twins from Buckinghamshire, Rhonda whose parents are land owners from Gloucestershire, Blodwyn and Myfanwy, two Welsh girls from Brecknockshire, and Rebecca Tate from Caernarvonshire whose father, Sir Roland Tate, is the British ambassador to the Wallis and Fortuna Island.
“DIVERSITY” repeated Miss Sefton under her breath. “For heaven’s sake, what the hell is this silly government person talking about?”
Tamsin said she was absolutely astounded by Miss Sefton’s language. She said she had never heard Miss Sefton use words like ‘hell’ before. I can assure our gentle readers Miss Sefton told this government person a thing or two in no uncertain terms and sent her packing with a flea in her ear.
But not before she pointed out that this year the school had already received applications for new enrolments for the new year which included one girl from the Island of Skye, one from Eire and sisters from the Isle of Man and, believe it or not, even one girl from the Isle of Wight.
“Just how diverse does this government woman want the college to be, for heavens sake?”
“Here we have students from all social backgrounds. Here I would like to refer to Dakota Pugsly whose father made his fortune out of scrap lead and despite this social diversity not once since the college was first given its charter by King George the second in the 17th century has there been any police on duty around the classrooms or playgrounds, no knifings being recorded by mobile phones, the use of drugs, beatings or bare-knuckle fights in my playgrounds among my girls on my watch. Thank you very much” adding “you can rest assured THAT is the way it is. THAT is the way it will remain, THAT is the end of the matter”. So it was.
That sounded pretty final to us girls too. Miss Sefton pointed out ‘Diversity’ had been a rigid cornerstone of the college principles for over 400 years as shown by the above examples. The travelling government education woman realized she was going nowhere with the debate with her bizarre interpretation of diversity, so decided to take the conversation in another direction.
She pointed out the violation of the Education Department’s view of blatant sexual discrimination after noting the flagrant use of gender-specific names on the toilet doors which could cause anxiety, distress, and hardship to those girls that might have a history of suffering from gender dysphoria or gender identity disorder, or even those that might be transitioning, but more alarmingly could contravene their Human Rights.
Miss Sefton assured her there was no history of ‘that sort of thing’ at Denham Hall, thank you very much.
The government education lady, after being taken well out of earshot of the girls, was reminded by Miss Pringle that whatever the government views were on modern-day biology or personal relationships, in this college, Denham Hall, they did NOT encourage discussion on unusual sexual exploits or stories about ‘Bill and Ben’, or ‘Sailor Jack’s personal relationship with the lighthouse keeper’ which was the Government Education Departments suggested as reading for 8 year olds in the Sex Education Syllabus.
Miss Pringle said stories about Bill and Ben were all very well in their place but it is important for the girls to learn Great Britain’s history and its place in the world, and also understand the reasons for the fall of Rome and its frightening similarity to that of Great Britain’s loss of empire and prestige, its reduced status in the world and its subsequent loss of sovereignty, but most importantly to understand the reason for its loss of direction and its slow descent into a festering quagmire of a disgusting morass of immorality.
She said she preferred her girls to read the classics rather than to discuss the unusual nocturnal comings and goings that Bill and his chum Ben might get up to.
Even Miss Frenzi, the sports teacher, bought into this discussion by saying that the NEW AGE teaching which dictates that no-one loses but everyone wins a prize is self-defeating. It would mean Rebecca Tate did not win the 100 yards breastroke event last year in the swimming carnival against the Government School Pixie Hill Camp but shared it with the other seven contestants, and likewise with ‘pass the parcel’ everyone wins a prize. It is silliness to the extreme.
She said regardless of a governments decree that backstroke is banned in all swimming pools, it will be ignored in the college pool as the likelihood of another swimmer being killed or maimed was minimal.
It did not end there I’m afraid. The news spread like wildfire that Miss Franklin, the music teacher or Lu Lu, on being told about the children’s story of this ‘personal relationship’ between the lighthouse keeper and another gentleman named Sailor Jack was allowed to go home after going quite pale and complaining of feeling a little queasy, and the same with Nurse Mayo who after experiencing the tremor’s was allowed to lie down in the school’s infirmary.
Phaedra, who appeared quite flushed after overhearing Miss Pringle's tirade on her views of the government’s suggested reading for 8 year olds said she did not want to experience another day like that one.
Miss Sefton told Miss Pringle, she was convinced Denham Hall was ‘an island of sanity in a sea of madness’. Tamsin went one better. She said Denham Hall was ‘an island of serenity in a sea of silliness’.
Now everyone is making up these comparisons like it’s a competition. Do you want to hear mine?
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